When I Was 7

I was only in the 2nd grade,

had been through enough to make my insides afraid.

To everyone around,

I looked like the happiest girl in town.

But I lost my papa this year,

so life didn't seem so clear.

Who now would pull out my loose tooth?

It was hard at first to accept this truth.

My parents taught me to be grateful for our time,

I knew he was with God, so it didn't seem to be a crime.

In my pink hoodie I kissed him bye,

I tried not to cry.

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Everyone adored him, he would either crack a joke, or sing a song,

his light touched everyone he knew, his calling hours were even 12 hours long.

Smiled bright for the pictures, dressed in houndstooth,

if you were here you'd say "you look so cute".

I had a smile on my face,

but I was on the way to the grave.

At the funeral the 8 cousins all had one line to say,

but I had to say more, Papa put oxygen in my airway.

I can picture myself speaking to all those sad faces at mass,

trying to make them giggle with stories about my grandpa,

bc I wanted them to look at his death the way I saw.

I understood why he had to leave at only 7,

he was on his way to heaven.

His death was hard of course, but he made everyone so happy,

So why at his funeral was there was no glee?

I wanted everyone to think like me.

Of course I cried,

but he left me filled with such pride

Seeing everyone so sad he was gone,

I had to be the black swan.

My job was to make people smile,

& so no one felt broken during this trial.

_______________________

I was so young, you left a goodbye video for me to play,

gave me advice on how to make the most of my day.

Talked about the guy I'm going to marry,

hearing your voice I feel like I don't have as big of a weight to carry.

I want to be strong for you,

so every time I see 33 it doesn't make me blue.

I know you're sending me a sign,

you're so kind.

Thanks for looking after us. I wish we had more time,

but I won't make a fuss.

I'm thankful for our moments together,

& I know you're with me forever.

Lately I've been having a hard time trying to cry,

but after writing this my eyes aren't so dry

PULLING OUT MY FIRST TOOTH:

SAYING GOODBYE:

THE FUNERAL: